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Monday, August 27, 2007

Satan's Lawyers to Bishop Tommy "The Hit Man" Weeks..... "Stop Slandering Our Client or Else!"

Two days after his alleged brutal attack on his wife, Prophetess Juanita Bynum, Bishop Tommy " The Hit Man" Weeks lay blame for choking, kicking and stomping on his 5'2 wife squarely at the feet of the Devil:

Weeks, wearing a dark suit and his customary bow tie, blamed the devil for the accusation that has him facing two felony charges. He didn't, however, offer any specifics before introducing a guest minister who preached in his stead, then exiting the room. (SOURCE)

The Devil, also known as Satan, is not taking Week's accusations laying down and has sought legal counsel. In a telephone interview from his office at Black Exploitation Television headquarters in Washington, DC, Satan seemed perplexed as to why yet another preacher was blaming him for acting a dayum fool.

"I mean, really, is it necessary to drag me into it every time one of these preachers messes up or catches a case? I didn't grab his hands and wrap them around his wife's neck and I didn't force him to kick her while she was down on the asphalt. What happened to Free Will?"

Satan says that at the time of the attack on Bynum, he was otherwise occupied.

" I was making up the Spring programming schedule for BET at the time of the attack. I wasn't anywhere near the Renaissance hotel. " While Satan has faced similar accusations in the past, he decided to seek legal counsel in the present case because of the role Bishop Week's purports to play in the Kingdom of God.

" Now here is a guy that has been telling everyone who will listen that he is on the Lord's side. Now all of a sudden he goes batshyt crazy and it is all "The Devil's" fault. I'm not having it!"

To Bynum, Satan, a Bible scholar himself directs her to the book of Job." Folks are with you when the chips are up, but at the first sign of real trouble, all these church attendees start yelling "Curse God and Die!"

Satan is trying to continue with his normal routine in light of yet another accusation that he has meddled in the lives of Preachers of the Word. He's been cooking up an entire new slate of television shows designed to set Black American back about 150 years each.

Satan saves his harshest criticisms for Bishop Tommy"The Hit Man" Weeks, " He needs to MAN UP and grow a pair. Take responsibility for what you did! That was all YOU! Hell, even Michael Vick didn't try to blame me for his situation!"

WARNING: The above may contain sarcastic language and imagery not mean to be taken literally. Yes, I did have too much time on my hands on my day off.

UPDATE: Juanita Bynum taped a pre-recorded response to the Devil Bishop Weeks and the boo birds that are chirping. They don't call her a Prophetess for nothing. It comes towards the end of the clip. Hat Tip to Why Black Women Are Angry.