As I stated yesterday, October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and here at WADO, we are doing something different this month, we are featuring guest posts from Black male bloggers on the issue of Domestic Violence. Our first BRAVE soul to weigh in id DJ Black Adam. Here is his post:
Title: “The most common Black on Black crime…” by DJ Black Adam
Domestic Violence. Psychological, Emotional and Physical. It happens all over the United States, within all racial groups, yet of all the women who die from domestic violence in the United States, roughly 28% of them are African American (1). Since we make up roughly 13% of the population, it is obvious that we have a different situation within our group. Perhaps there are social economic factors unique to the African American community that play as agitating factors making the numbers in the African American community disproportionate? Maybe it is the “thug” / “pimp” culture that media, often times Black media projects? Perhaps it is a lot of things, whatever it is, it has to stop, and Black MEN as well as Black Women have to stop it.
In most cases, it is the physical abuse that ends up in tragic endings. Not to minimize the other types of abuse, but for the sake of this discussion, I will limit my thoughts to “Physical” abuse.
In my opinion, the best place to start is how we (Black Men and Women) raise our children, particularly, Black boys.
With the exception of the garden variety sociopath (which you just have to try to be able to spot and avoid), the first basis of abuse of women by men is the mentality that is fostered within the Black community as well as the general mentality of the West, that women are “possessions”. Yes, though not in the same form or to the degree that we see in the Middle East, Asia or Africa, the fact is that women are seen as “possessions” in the West. This is a form of dehumanization, and when you dehumanize anyone, history shows that people are capable of some pretty serious evil and violence towards those they deem “less than” human for whatever reason and to whatever degree.
Misogyny in any form is a type of dehumanization. While we (Black Men and Women) may not teach or forward this type of dehumanization directly, often times we are complicit in spreading it by our lack of attention to it. First men have to identify this mentality in themselves (if they have it) and change their view of women as possessions, and look at women as equal partners in life. Men need to understand this basic truth that women are humans of equal value and worthy of the same respect, that they expect. Simple yes, but obviously not in practice to the degree it should be.
Black Men of conscious have a responsibility to show their sons, nephews and brothers the example of true gentlemanship, that is to respect and honor (not objectify or obsess over the body parts of) their mothers, nieces, daughters and sisters. Further, in most cases men are physically stronger than the women they are with, men must understand that a behave accordingly and not bully someone they claim to have affection for.
Black Women have a responsibility to no tolerate disrespect or violence against them, so that their daughters do not see abuse allowed and possibly expect and accept abuse themselves. Now that we have looked at this academically, I’d like to share some common sense recommendations from my observations of these types of physically abusive relationships with you all.
1. Note the Signs, see what is there, NOT just what you want to see.
Ladies, please, BELIEVE what you see. If a guy is easily irritated, he IS easily irritated. If he seems violent, he generally IS violent. If he acts crazy towards everyone else, yet for the time of the “courtship” seems to NOT with you, it isn’t because “he’s like that with outsiders, but not me” it is because he knows you catch more bee’s with honey than vinegar.
2. If he hits you once, leave.
Harsh, yes it is. But you don’t know how far he could go the second time.
3. Don’t make excuses for them.
Sure, maybe you did irritate him or give him some “reason” in your and his mind, if that’s the case, that reason may happen again, and you could end up dead next time. Find someone who accepts you even with your perceived flaws.
These are just a few thoughts, I hope my prattle makes some sense to someone. Above all, respect yourselves and demand respect from any man you feel is worthy of you.
The following is for those who find themselves in a relationship with a violent man. If you decide to leave this type of man (and I hope you do) here are some things you might want to do, especially if they have threatened to harm you:
Ladies, if a man tells you he is capable of hurting you at that moment you best become capable of hurting him. If he is crazy enough to make that threat, you best be crazy enough to BELIEVE THEM.
*Get a restraining order: While you wait for the restraining order, get your FOID Card, and a 380 (or a 9MM ) or at least a strong taser. If the guy approaches you after you have told him its over, drop him like a sack of rotten potatoes. Better him than you...I’m just saying…
*Don't go ANYWHERE with them!
*Keep your weapon of choice close or with you when walking alone or to and from your vehicle!
*Don't meet them ANYWHERE! (They want to talk, phones and e-mail only, if you chose to talk to them.
*If they want you to return something or they want to return something to you, USE UPS, FED EX or USPS!
*Get a home alarm system or a Rottie (German Sheppards are good too)!
*Like I said before, get a license for a weapon AND a weapon. Go to the range and get taught gun safety. Dude come up in your face, drop him.
It sounds harsh, but generally, if you make a violent person see that you aren’t having it, they seek weaker prey.
Above all ladies, be safe, and value yourselves.
(1) FBI, Supplementary Homicide Reports, 1976-1999 (http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs
If you are a male blogger who would like to weigh in, hit up the gmail. Folks, let this marinate.