God Sends “Cease and Desist” Letter To Juanita Bynum and Tommy “The Hit Man” Weeks:”Stop Representing Yourself as My Agents...OR ELSE!”

December 14, 2007, PEARLY GATES, Heaven (AP)- In a surprising development in the ongoing soap opera-esq and very public battle between Profit-ess Juanita Bynum and her husband, Bishop Tommy “The Hitman” Weeks, lawyers representing God Almighty sent cease and desist letters to Profit-ess Bynum and Bishop Weeks demanding that they stop representing themselves as representatives of God.

“The final straw for the Lord was when Bishop Weeks used the occasion of the Almighty's son's birthday to email a video promoting his latest book “What Love Taught Me”,” said Gabriel Angel, the Almighty's lead trademark infringement attorney.

[This has got Ike Turner-like vibes all over the place. Manipulative,cunning and controlling. First he lashes out on the TJMS and in a book then quickly sends a bouquet of flowers through an online video. Joe Jackson, get ya' boy.]

In a video Mr. Angel described as “tacky”, “tawdry,” and “unseemly” Bishop Weeks announced that he would be recalling a book that just 48 hours ago he was promoting on the Tom Joyner Morning show. The Bishop invited others to view this “very personal” message to his estranged wife and then proceeded to beg viewers not to take sides. Weeks also revealed that the couple had been exchanging smoke signals, carrier pigeon messages, and shawls and books via express mail despite court orders designed to keep them away from each other.

“Well clearly Mr. Weeks is not a representative of the Almighty, because the Almighty sends the spirit of discernment to accompany all of his agents on Earth.” Citing the literary failures of other famous alleged wife beaters such as the recently departed Ike Turner, Mr. Angel said that the clearest example of the Bishop's lack of the spirit of discernment is his decision to issue the book in the first place. “Had Bishop Weeks had the spirit of discernment, he would have figured out that his book would not be well received.” Mr. Angel went on to add that if the Bishop had the spirit of discernment he would also stop wearing pastel bow ties in public and get new frames for his glasses.

“The Almighty contends that Profit-ess Bynum and her spouse are misrepresenting themselves as God's agents and the Almighty wants them to stop.”

Mr.. Angel said that the video distributed by Weeks was the final straw after a summer that saw these two purported leaders of churches fighting in a parking lot, holding dueling press conferences, using their infamy to promote their websites and products, asking for $250,000 to build a threshing floor, declaring that ordinary working people should go out and purchase a $5,000 pen, failing to pay their taxes and other debts, and then getting in a national publication and whining about Luis Vitton luggage.

“They are diminishing the brand. We only do things that are decent and in order.” Mr. Angel went on to say that the Lord would resolve this matter through the legal system and not supernaturally as previously hoped by Gem2001, the creator of the blog, What About Our Daughters?

“Yes, we have received Gem2001's prayers and supplications and yes, God could just strike them both dead with a bolt of lightening, but unlike the Bynum-Weeks who prefer displays of rage and attempt to resolve legal matters publicly, the Almighty has decided to allow this matter to work its way out through the legal system this time.” However, Mr Angel warned ominously “We'll try it this way first, but there may be fire next time”

When quizzed about whether the Almighty knows the outcome of Bishop Week's criminal case, Mr. Angel refused to comment citing something about “The Prime Directive,” however Mr. Angel did appear to cough “televisedrenewalceremony” and “thepatriotswinthesuperbowl” before he mounted with wings and took flight.

Bizarrely the Bynum-Weeks who recently have trampled small children to speak to reporters have been surprisingly mum about the Lord's cease and desist letter. Rumor has it that , the Bynum-Weeks are editing a drafts of an upcoming book they are writing together, “Love Has So Much More To Teach Me”, while learning how to use more snazzy effects on Windows Movie Maker. They could not be reached for comment.

This isn't the first legal battle for the Bynum-Week's earlier this summer Satan threatened to file a defamation suit against Bishop Weeks when the Bishop said that it was “the Devil” that caused the Bishop to allegedly kick, choke and stomp on his wife in a hotel parking lot. Satan was unavailable for comment as he is on vacation with his bride, Debbie Lee.

Have y'all ever considered that we're all being hustled? No seriously. He puts out a damaging book then recalls it. She's putting all their dirty laundry out there. Maybe someone was threatening to expose them both. They stage all of this drama and use it as an opportunity to reveal all of their dirty laundry while folks are feeling sympathy and taking sides and then make a come back with a “reconciliation”. People love a redemption story. I am beginning to wonder because these two cannot be for real. My foolishness meter is OFF THE CHARTS.This was the Bishop earlier this week on the Tom Joyner Morning Show.

Bizarre Weather Phenomenon Threatens to Freeze Hell Over- Evacuations Underway

HELL-- November 4, 2007- Officials in Hell began a mandatory evacuation as a bizarre weather phenomenon threatened to freeze Hell over. The Devil ordered the evacuations after the lakes of fire were reduced to simmer.
.“We haven't seen temperatures drop this quickly since there were rumors that Mary Wilson and Diana Ross would be reuniting for a tour,” the Devil said.

Most of Hell's residents were evacuated to Hell's northernmost outpost, BET Headquarters located in Washington, DC.

“We wanted our residents to be around other demon spirits during this very difficult time, said Lucifer, Hell's Director of Climate Control.

Lucifer said that the evacuations had gone smoothly with one exception, some of Hell's residents were greeted by a blogger named Attorneymom, who insisted on reprimanding the evacuees as they made their way into BET headquarters before she was dragged off by two other bloggers, BlkSeaGoat and Johnny, who were wearing shirts that said “Attorneymom, you are no one's Holy Ghost!”

Lucifer was perplexed by the heckling blogger. “ I mean they have already been condemned to eternal damnation, what else does she (Attorneymom) want?”

“I just want to make sure,” said Attorneymom via a statement she issued from her blog, Character Corner.

The cold day in Hell was apparently the result of a New York Times article that may have left the impression that Gina, from the blog, What About Our Daughters?a frequent critic of Black Entertainment Television who has been supportive of the protests outside Lee's home agreed with BET CEO, Debra Lee regarding protests by the Enough is Enough Campaign.

UPDATE 7:57CST-

Officials in Hell breathed a sigh of relief this evening as it appears that Hell has indeed NOT frozen over. Gina does not agree with Debra Lee. Officials in Hell had mixed feelings about the turn of events.

"Our demon spirits working at BET were excited by the possibility that Gina agreed with us, but we had to weigh that with the possibility of Hell freezing over."Lucifer said. "We were torn."

They were however excited that Gina vowed not to do another BET-related interview until January 2008. She was heard muttering “Come Hell or high water.”

WARNING:this post might be loaded with sarcasm, symbolism, similes, metaphors, personification or other figures of speech and is not meant to be taken literally. While many BET employees and supporters believe Gina is the spawn of Satan, they have merely confused her with Debra Lee, his bride.

*takes a seat on the WAOD stoop and enjoys a glass of freshly squeezed lemonade- sometimes you just have to laugh it off.*

If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy "Satan's Lawyers to Bishop Tommy "The Hit Man" Weeks..... "Stop Slandering Our Client or Else!"

How Long Could You Live Without Cable? 381 days?.... Yes, BET Executives REALLY HATE BLACK PEOPLE (Again, I didn't stutter)

"Another woman has been arrested and thrown in jail because she refused to get up out of her seat on the bus for a white person to sit down. It is the second time since the Claudette Colvin case that a Negro woman has been arrested for the same thing. This has to be stopped. Negroes have rights too, for if Negroes did not ride the buses, they could not operate. Three-fourths of the riders are Negro, yet we are arrested, or have to stand over empty seats. If we do not do something to stop these arrests, they will continue. The next time it may be you, or your daughter, or mother. This woman's case will come up on Monday. We are, therefore, asking every Negro to stay off the buses Monday in protest of the arrest and trial. Don't ride the buses to work, to town, to school, or anywhere on Monday. You can afford to stay out of school for one day if you have no other way to go except by bus. You can also afford to stay out of town for one day. If you work, take a cab, or walk. But please, children and grown-ups, don't ride the bus at all on Monday. Please stay off all buses Monday."Flyer from the Women's Political Council on the Eve of the Montgomery Bus Boycott

I've been silent on the whole "Read a Book" Brouhaha, but I have been aware of it from the beginning. As you can imagine from my dealings with THAT NETWORK about THAT SHOW. My inbox has now become the repository for every bad act committed by THAT NETWORK. I get instant updates on a never ending basis. Don't stop sending them, just realize you are not the only one.

Quite frankly, after spending the entire month of July living and breathing all things BET I was tired of talking about them and heck I am sure some of you were tired of me talking about them too. So I actually wanted a six month BET break where I basically ignored them until January or so. However, one of my guest editors asked a question in her Monday post here on WAOD and on Why Black Women Are Angry. She asked if we can do anything to protect our children from BET? The answer is YES, but how many of you are willing to go THERE? Before I go into what you would have to do, let me explain WHY you ought to do it.

There is "Satire" and then there is " JUST TIRED"

Folks have been comparing Bill Cosby to BET all summer long. As you know, the theme of BET's new original slate of programming is "We have to Teach Black Folks!" So we've had a slew of shows that BET has purportedly offered up as "social commentary."

I get satire. I love satire. I engage in satire on a regular basis on this blog. (See the Devil's Response to Bishop Thomas Weeks). As much as I love satire, I know that the messenger is just as important as the message and the context is just as important as the content.

Now when evaluating the whole "Read A Book" episode, ignore why the original artist created it ( he by the way did not do the ANIMATION!). The real question is WHY BET decided to distribute it in the manner that they did. You can't ignore BET's track record when analyzing what THAT NETWORK puts out. Throughout history, well meaning men, good men and women with something important to say or who have made great discoveries have had their work hijacked for nefarious purposes.

So to the folks who are buying BET's attempts to hide behind Bill Cosby's coattails, I ask you to consider the source and their body of work. ( Yes, I am aware of Cosby's "issues"- another post folks. Another Post)

Bill Cosby - "I Spy"
BET - "Cita's World"
Bill Cosby - "The Cosby Show"
BET- "BET Uncut"
Bill Cosby - "A Different World"
BET - "College Hill"
Bill Cosby - "Cosby"
BET - "Hot Ghetto Mess"
Bill Cosby- $20 Million to Morehouse
Bob Johnson - Produced "Who's Your Caddy"
Bill Cosby - "Little Bill"
BET- "Read A m$*&^#*ing Book!"

In the words of Sesame Street, "one of these two things does not belong!" BET isn't interested in TEACHING Black America a dayum thing. the same woman-hating, elitist, sociopaths that brought us BET Uncut unappologetically for SIX YEARS are still there. This latest scam of cranking out their same garbage under the guise of "learnin' the ignant Blak folk sum nawlege" is pure subterfuge ( I learned that word and a bunch of others from watching "A Different World!").

I share with many of you a great deal of distress at the behavior of many within the African American community. I too want to address the foolishness and ridiculousness, but please don't assume that because I am not falling for BET's latest scam to try to wipe the dirt from their hands that I don't see that Black folks have some SERIOUS issues.

Let's stop playing games here. Imma make it plain. BET. HATES. BLACK. PEOPLE!

BET's executive leadership HATES BLACK PEOPLE. Harsh, but true. Unlike Bob Johnson who was your garden variety multimedia crack dealer and was merely exploiting Black folks because there was money to be made, this current crew is motivated by a WHOLE OTHER beast all together. They really do think you are stupid. They think your children are stupid too and they have told you so about a dozen times, this summer alone, but for some reason folks aren't hearing them. So excuse me for scoffing when a network that thinks you and your children are stupid and that cranks out soft porn in the afternoon while you are at work claims to be the least bit concerned for the welfare of your family.

Isn't the entire tone of this year's original programming line up that BET has to "TEACH" the "ig'nant" Black folks! Go back and review their comments. I didn't have a problem with THAT SHOW's purported intent, I had a problem with the fact that BET's executive leadership was trying to hide behind "teaching Black America a lesson" in order to indulge in their hatred and contempt for working class Black people. That entire argument was preposterous considering the foolishness they were continuing to air in their afternoon line up. Again, it is like a crack dealer running a rehab center.... out of the back of the crack house.

The intent of the messenger sometimes is MORE important than the message. You see Bob Johnson admitted that he was a multimedia crack dealer and was in it for the paper and nothing but the paper, but this new crew, their M.O. is to try to hide behind giving Black folks "a book learning" while engaging in their fantasies that working class Black folks are stupid and Black women are animals put here for their own entertainment. Am I the only one that has picked up on that?

So let's be clear. Debra Lee... Hates Black people, Black women in particular. Reginald Hudlin... Black people hater, middle and working class Black people in particular. Stephen Hill..Hates Black people. Now all executives at BET might not HATE Black folks, but they are indifferent and that is just as bad. If they were not indifferent, they would not work there in the same way that I am not going to ever do work that violates my core principals and beliefs.

The Klan believes you and your children are inferior. Debra Lee and her executive team believe you and your children are inferior and stupid. Did I mention they think Black folks are stupid? While Debra Lee would not dirty her hands to drag you out of your home and hang you from a tree( I HOPE), Debbie would drive by the tree you and your kids are hanging from and keep going on her way to the country club. Then she would let Regional Hudlin turn the story of your tragic death into a cartoon with a catchy beat, after all, that's the only way "weeze ig'nant BAMAs can get a book learnin.'"

Don't misunderstand me when I say this because I am definitely pro education. However, trust that there are Black people who believe that other Black people are inferior to them in every way. They think we're stupid "Bamas." They think we are a poor reflection on them and in the same way that White racists want us gone, they would be more than happy if we "undesirable" Black folk dropped dead, yesterday so they "wouldn't look bad" to the majority population. That is why they don't have any problem throwing you and your children overboard so they can get a good laugh and a few more pieces of silver in their pockets. So what if your children die, drop out of school, get knocked up or locked up. BET has been planting tiny burning crosses on our front lawns. Right in front of our children and WE LET THEM DO IT!

Let's review the record shall we:

• BET Execs reject video as "too intelligent for our audience."
• BET Airs BET Uncut; promoting violence against Black women and taking the degradation and objectification of Black women to new cable television lows.
• Reginald Hudlin says that the only way the BET audience can absorb a socially relevant message is through laughter, rhythm, and humiliation.
• BET offers up "Read a Book" again, under the guise that the BAMAS can only absorb information encapsulated within rhythm, laughter, and humiliation and it is a bonus if they can laugh at the exaggerated anatomy of Black women in the process. THAT is just GRAVY to the folks that brought us BET Uncut.

You all have your own examples so don't take my word for it.

Protestation is Relatively Futile

BET doesn't care about our protests and boycott threats. The only reason they changed the name of THAT SHOW was sheer embarrassment and the fact that white executives had to intervene on behalf of Black people. If Black people complain, we are just being ignorant incorrigible BAMAS. But if a white executive picks up the phone and tears their "multimedia ad agency" a new one, then people at BET start to move. Thank God for executives with common sense at these consumer goods companies. Currently, they are our only defense against Viacom and its gutter bucket stepchild, BET.

So in your quest to undo the damage BET is inflicting, you will find no comfort from within the BET organization or its overseer Viacom. They hate you and your kids so appealing to any "moral conscience " is futile. The only way to reign them in is the almighty dollar. Unfortunately due to the current business structure of the cable television industry, targeting advertisers can only do so much

Viacom Cable networks, BET in particular, only derive a small portion of their revenue from advertisers. So while losing advertisers is embarrassing and costs money, if BET lost all of its advertisers, it could still function with ease.

Your Only Real Choice -381 DAYS Without Cable

Did you know that the first group to call for a boycott of the Montgomery bus system in 1955 was a group of women? They didn't have the internet. They had a mimeograph machine and handed out fliers. This was back in the day before the NAACP was more interested in banquets and conventions than it is in social justice. For 381 days, the folks in Montgomery hoofed it, car pooled and cabbed it. Have you had enough form Viacom and BET?

Those of you who are tired of BET and tired of VH1, you have a really simple choice; GIVE UP CABLE and SATELLITE completely! For 381 days Every month when you send in the money for the cable bill, a portion of your money goes to fund BET and VH1... WHETHER YOU WATCH THEM OR NOT!

GASP! But. But. Whatever will we do without cable? Read a book! hahaha No, for real, they are called "rabbit ears". You plug them into a jack in the back of your TV and viola, you have TV. But. But. But I live in a building with brick walls, I don't get good reception... hmmm that is a tough one, NOT! That would mean that you might have to make the grand sacrifice of not watching TV. Trust me, you will survive, Black American may not survive, however, if we don't draw a line somewhere in the sand.

When you call your cable company, let them know why you canceled. Tell them you are tired of BET pumping hate messages into your home. Tell them you are tired of VH1 burning a cross on your front lawn. Tell them that without the ability to choose which cable stations enter your home, you have made the choice not to let any enter your home.

Trust me. As someone who has NEVER paid for cable television a day in her life, you can survive without it. Anything noteworthy is on YouTube. Any show that is worth watching comes out on DVD or again, is on YouTube. Most networks offer their shows online. You can get most of the cable news stations on a broadband stream. So you don't miss anything and if something becomes watercooler fodder, chances are, they offer the episode or relevant portion online OR you can go over to a friend's house to watch it. Or better yet, just read the detailed recaps on a site like Television Without Pity. The recaps are often more entertaining than the actual show. Join the gym, take a class, meditate. Discover what life might be like if you threw a brick through your TV.

They don't call me "her royal cheapness" for nothing. With that $70 a month that you are not spending on cable, open up a ShareBuilder, MyStockFund, or high interest internet savings account like ING. In 382 days You'll have over a grand under any of those scenarios assuming the stock market does not crash into oblivion.

It isn't enough that you do this as an individual. We have to do this as a community. This means bringing it up to your pastor. Point out the role of the church in the Montgomery bus boycott. This means letting your friends know and your coworkers and involving your local community groups. This means picking a Saturday to go chill outside of the local cable company headquarters with a few friends and invite the local news to observe. Connect with your local organizations. Organizations that can't be bought off by Viacom for 14 Million dollars or paid off by the Universal Music Group with a $15,000 table at a banquet.

I'm just throwing it out there. I am crazy enough to believe after all the stuff we've done this year that we might actually be able to pull this off.

Read "Why I Canceled My Cable" from Mes Deaux Cents. Speak on it!

Satan's Lawyers to Bishop Tommy "The Hit Man" Weeks..... "Stop Slandering Our Client or Else!"

Two days after his alleged brutal attack on his wife, Prophetess Juanita Bynum, Bishop Tommy " The Hit Man" Weeks lay blame for choking, kicking and stomping on his 5'2 wife squarely at the feet of the Devil:

Weeks, wearing a dark suit and his customary bow tie, blamed the devil for the accusation that has him facing two felony charges. He didn't, however, offer any specifics before introducing a guest minister who preached in his stead, then exiting the room. (SOURCE)

The Devil, also known as Satan, is not taking Week's accusations laying down and has sought legal counsel. In a telephone interview from his office at Black Exploitation Television headquarters in Washington, DC, Satan seemed perplexed as to why yet another preacher was blaming him for acting a dayum fool.

"I mean, really, is it necessary to drag me into it every time one of these preachers messes up or catches a case? I didn't grab his hands and wrap them around his wife's neck and I didn't force him to kick her while she was down on the asphalt. What happened to Free Will?"

Satan says that at the time of the attack on Bynum, he was otherwise occupied.

" I was making up the Spring programming schedule for BET at the time of the attack. I wasn't anywhere near the Renaissance hotel. " While Satan has faced similar accusations in the past, he decided to seek legal counsel in the present case because of the role Bishop Week's purports to play in the Kingdom of God.

" Now here is a guy that has been telling everyone who will listen that he is on the Lord's side. Now all of a sudden he goes batshyt crazy and it is all "The Devil's" fault. I'm not having it!"

To Bynum, Satan, a Bible scholar himself directs her to the book of Job." Folks are with you when the chips are up, but at the first sign of real trouble, all these church attendees start yelling "Curse God and Die!"

Satan is trying to continue with his normal routine in light of yet another accusation that he has meddled in the lives of Preachers of the Word. He's been cooking up an entire new slate of television shows designed to set Black American back about 150 years each.

Satan saves his harshest criticisms for Bishop Tommy"The Hit Man" Weeks, " He needs to MAN UP and grow a pair. Take responsibility for what you did! That was all YOU! Hell, even Michael Vick didn't try to blame me for his situation!"

WARNING: The above may contain sarcastic language and imagery not mean to be taken literally. Yes, I did have too much time on my hands on my day off.


UPDATE: Juanita Bynum taped a pre-recorded response to the Devil Bishop Weeks and the boo birds that are chirping. They don't call her a Prophetess for nothing. It comes towards the end of the clip. Hat Tip to Why Black Women Are Angry.