Five Stages of Grief
- Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
Last week I finally wrote on Dunbar Village on this blog even though I had read about it in the blotter in an online newspaper. almost a month ago while I was in the middle of a minor dust up with a certain network over a certain show. Needless to say reading the sketchy details at the time depressed me and made me very sad, luckily I was in the middle of what I thought at the time was the battle of my life, fighting with a morally reprehensible television network over their continued pattern of offering morally repugnant programming. So I was able to escape the horror of Dunbar Village temporarily. Sure I read about it at Mirror on America I might have even left a comment about it, but as a woman, I just couldn't wrap my head around it until a little over a week ago.
A week ago, I was pointing out the double standard in the African American community when Black girls and Black women are sexually assaulted by Black males. I talked about the fact that many in the African American community don't believe in statutory rape, or any kind of rape where the victim is not scratching and clawing out the eyes of their attacker. That is why when a 13 or 14 year old girl is allegedly taped with a R&B artist, a grown man, and her tape is distributed on the street corners of America, we turn our heads and go out and buy his latest album. Or why when a girl is violated by 5 to 6 African American boys while she is passed out drunk on the bed, folks blame her for having gone to the hotel room in the first place and ignore the fact that the little cretins videotaped their bad acts. Folks blame the teen girls for being fast and don't count what happened to her as a crime because the absence of "NO" automatically means "YES" even if the state says "HELL NO!" on the books.
That is why when a 15 year old girl becomes the entertainment for a group of 17 and 18 year old boys by letting them videotape her performing sex acts on them, a candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES comes to the aid of the boys, when long arm of the law catches them in a choke hold. That is why a candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES can try to recast the statutory rape of a 15 year old girl as a scene out of Romeo and Juliet and her violators as Steven Urkle. We can debate the length of sentences, but please let's not throw the statutory rape statutes under the bus in this age where everybody wants to be Larry Flint and a porn producer, teen girls are more vulnerable than ever except this time, there will be video tapes and photos instead of just bad memories that haunt them the rest of their lives.
I wish someone would tap that PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE on the shoulder and ask him to reconsider and try to figure out just what his definition of "rape" is because he clearly can't grasp the fact that a 15 year old in many states can't have "consensual sex" so he really needs to stop using that term in his defense of a convicted child molester. They might also ask him if a drunk passed out 17 year old can consent or a female inmate can consent to sex with a prison guard.... in many states none of these women can "consent" and you know that MR. Harvard Law Graduate! This is what happens when you try to out-Sharpton Al Sharpton. Moral Inconsistency!
In the midst of being outraged over the lack of outrage over R. Kelly and Genarlow Wilson, one of my frequent readers and commentators mentioned Dunbar Village. By then I had apparently worked my way through stage ONE and had move on to stage TWO ( Read 'Dunbar Village: RAZE IT TO THE GROUND AND SALT THE EARTH SO THAT NOTHING WILL GROW THERE!). I later found out that lots of Black female bloggers hadn't been able to write about it either until discussions broke out weeks after it was first reported.
Denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.(SOURCE)
So yeah, I am in stage TWO, but throughout history people in stage TWO have gotten a whole lot of things accomplished. The memory of past crimes and atrocities committed against innocents or the over matched has been the rallying cry for some of the most historic battles in history. Stage TWO is just fine with me. I can be ticked off and still accomplish my goals. Just like the folks in Montgomery were ticked off enough to walk instead of riding the bus, or Linda Brown's parents were ticked off to risk their lives and join a little lawsuit some folks were filing, or the folks were ticked off about Emmett Till. You can get a lot accomplished in the process of being TICKED OFF!
Lots of folk are apparently in stage TWO. Not just over Dunbar Village, but over Newark, and Chancey Bailey, Stepha Henry, and Sakia Gunn( This was in Newark too. The Accompanying article lists another horrific crime committed against an 11 year old girl by 19 men and boys! Jesus! Just. Just. Jesus!). Folks are ticked off over Marcie Crane, Kireasha Pam Linkhome, Shirley Geanes, Latoya Natasha Thomas, Dymashal Lashon Cullins, Tyesha Patrice bell, Daphne Philisia Jones, Tamika Antoinette Huston, and all the other Black women that go missing while MSNBC focuses on what Paris Hilton is wearing when she goes to jail.
Now some of you have already made it to step FIVE. Knock yourselves out. You continue to have policy arguments about critical race theory, gender politics, and the socio economic political ramifications of what is happening around us, and we'll keep hanging out around stage TWO. I have the feeling we are going to be there a while because right when we get ready to get to stage THREE, something else will happen.
So maybe it isn't that the LEAGUE OF THE IMMORALLY INDIFFERENT does not care or is ineffective, inept, inconsistent, and irreparable harmed by their silence on the Dunbar Village gang rape. Maybe they are just hanging out at stage ONE hoping we'll move quickly to stage FIVE. Not happening! Unfortunately for them, they have appointed themselves as "leaders" and accept millions in membership dues and corporate donations with an understanding that they will do the things that they said they would do. It doesn't help that they are making statements on behalf dogs while remaining silent about the plight of Black women and girls.
You see, even though I am on STEP TWO and so are a lot of folks are right now, we still get up and go to work. What does this have to do with the League of the Immorally Indifferent?
Well even though they are apparently on STAGE ONE, their jobs require that the act ANYWAY while working themselves through. So they can either pull their heads out of the sand, or we will assist them in doing so. Because I have the feeling that folks at STAGE TWO are going to be there a while and the longer the "leaders" stay at STAGE ONE, the longer we'll be at STAGE TWO and the more pure unadulterated hell they can expect because the crowd gathering at stage TWO gets larger EVERY DAY! If we have to drag the leaders chilling out at stage ONE to stage TWO, so be it! Because their days of denial are over!
PPS. I know this is the argument for why we have to find new leadership including Black women leaders. They are out there and folks are working on it. Maybe this immoral indifference is part of the Universe's plan. Only our "leaders" being silent over such horrific crimes could force us out of stage ONE!