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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

God to Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks: "Do I know Y'all?"

Hat Tip to Mo' Kelly- This is a continuing series of our coverage of the Bynum Weeks Dramedy

April 23, 2008, PEARLY GATES, Heaven (AP)IN a surprising development in the never ending saga, that is the never ending unwinding of their very short marriage, Juanita Bynum wife of Bishop Thomas Weeks, aka "Tommy the Hit Man" is going on Divorce Court to give "advice" to a couple in distress.

Televangelist Juanita Bynum says in a two-part episode of "Divorce Court" that she's through with her marriage to minister Thomas W. Weeks III, who is on probation for assaulting her.In episodes scheduled to air Thursday and Friday, Bynum also says she had thoughts of suicide and weighs in on a case involving domestic violence. When asked what advice she had for women in situations similar to hers, she said, "I have to make a decision ... to take the love that I had for him with me."In a transcript of the show obtained by The Associated Press, Bynum said she would always love Weeks, but made a decision to "love me more." AP

When reached by the Associated Press for comment, the Lord Almighty issued the following statement:

It has come to my attention that several media outlets have been attempting to reach me for comment regarding the dissolution of the marriage of a Juanita Bynum Weeks and a Thomas Weeks, who proclaims to be a bishop of some sort. I am aware that the Prophetess is planning to go on something called DIVORCE COURT.

I would like to go on the record as saying, I do not now nor have I ever known Juanita Bynum Weeks or Thomas Weeks . I don't have anything to do with these people.I don't know who they are talking about. It is my sincerest hope that they will cease and desist from representing to the world that they are in any way associated with me , Heaven, the Pearly Gates and anyone or anything mentioned between the books Genesis and Revelations. Please direct all future inquiries regarding these two to Hell.

Eternally Yours...OR NOT

The Lord Almighty

Read our previous dispatches from Heaven and Hell:
To those wondering why I have mocked these people, I say why not? They've been making a mockery out of each other and us for almost six months. Write the book. Complete the reality show and be done already!