I told you on Friday how I was accosted in my public library by Russell Simmons' new book "DO YOU!:12 LAWS TO ACCESS THE POWER IN YOU TO ACHIEVE HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS"
I got as far as page 25 when Russey, Dean of the Russell Simmons School of Obfuscation and Redirection, said that rappers were like JESUS.
Alas, I am going to soldier on and finish so I can give my loyal readers a review of this treatise ( OH WHAT A REVIEW IT WILL BE!). If you or a friend has read "Do You!" I want you on the Round Table so we can discuss. Pro or Con. You know I like to argue. We'll do a whole show about the book.
Apparently Black folks all over the country are racing to get their hands on a copy. In the city of Houston he was greeted by a marching band. They packed them into the signing by promising lunch and that Simmons would reveal the secret to getting rich despite the fact that in the beginning of the book Russey said that the book was not about getting rich. (uh huh. Right. Right.) The description of the crowd in Miami is "interesting". In keeping with corporate America's fond tradition of funding foolishness, Cadillac is sponsoring the book tour.(Too easy! I'mma let that slide without comment.OH Wait. That was a comment. )
Since Russey insists on comparing Hip Hop to the Prince of Peace I did an analogy of my own. Russell Simmons is not Yoda. He's Palpatine. Hip Hop is not the Rebellion; it’s the EMPIRE. Don’t sleep.Yes, I did have too much time on my hands this weekend due to rain so I started working on the cover of MY new book "Doom You!". You have to click on the image for the full effect. Compare my handy work to the original.
UPDATE (June 25,2007 6:53): Apparently one of my readers is a Star Wars expert and believes my Palpatine comparison is inappropriate:
Russell can't be Palpatine, he is not sinister enough. He is not sneaky enough. People think he has all this power in the music industry. he doesn't. MOst of the acts on Def Jam (if not all) were NOT signed by him. if anything, Lyor Cohen also dubbed Liar Conman is Palpatine. he makes the big bucks and pulls the strings. not to mention the fact that he started off as a humble intern at Def Jam.
Russell is a loud mouth braggart who makes money doing it.
Okay Okay. I would agree. So who would Russell be? Jar Jar Binks? Maybe I should leave the Star Wars analogies alone. Any ideas folks? I still think my cover art is cute. I laugh every times the page loads.