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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Al Sharpton and David Banner in a Cage Match... Who Wins?

Just when I thought I would never laugh again after the subject matter I have been covering recently, my favorite pompadoured preacha' rides to the rescue again.

For those of you new to the blog, our original focus was the negative portrayal of African American women in popular culture, Hip Hop in particular- Hence our first T-shirt: Stop Funding Foolishness- Stop Misogyny in Music. We have digressed from that original purpose, but that's a good thing in my eyes.

Anyway, I've laid off of the Hip Hop Industrial Complex in the past month and a half or so because I was otherwise engaged battling a certain amoral television network and a certain show that shall never be named on this blog again. However, where I have left off, the good Rev. has picked up and the Hip Hop Industrial Complex is not happy and they are speaking out... and they are directing their ire at my favorite preacha, the Rev. Sharpton. Recently David Banner, young fool that he is decided to take on the Rev. Al :

The next time you see Al Sharpton, tell him I said @#*$ him and he can suck my @#*$, " an animated David Banner told SOHH.com. "I might change the name of my album from The Greatest Story Never Told to @#*$ Al Sharpton. I hate Al Sharpton. This is the kind of @#!* that I'm talking about. They're killing kids in New Jersey and all across the country and all a @#*$% got to talk about is rap lyrics? @#*$ that about they're our elders and we gotta respect them. I'm tired of this. They're like the parents, but the parents are crucifying the kids. (SOURCE)

So young, so gifted, so Black, so articulate! Joe Biden would be proud. However, this is Al Sharpton who grew up on the mean streets of NYC or thereabouts. This Man of the Cloth wasn't going to take that. Oh No he was not!

From time to time we do encounter people that have sexual fantasies about Reverend Al Sharpton, but they are always women and Crump’s proposition is a first. However, in keeping with the National Action Network’s Decency Initiative, I am sure Rev. Sharpton would not call Crump the “N” “B” or “H” word. And, despite Crump’s personal request, I am sure Reverend Sharpton would not call him a f-g–t. He would just pray for him. We at NAN are pro civil rights for everyone, even Levell Crump who has not had a banner year since his debut album in 2003. Kirsten John-Foy, a leader with Sharpton's National Action Network and the head of his Criminal Justice Initiative (SOURCE)
SNAP, they pulled out Banner's given name ( the one on the birth certificate) and er' thing. Oh. No. They. Didn't! (Yes. They. Did!)

Now Hip Hop heads, let me remind you that while he sports a relaxer, the Rev. Sharpton is no C. Delores Tucker. There will be no weeping or lawsuit filing out of the Good Rev. when you call him out of his name. You are his meal ticket right now and do not doubt that he will trample you and small children in order to creep out of the shadow of his arch nemesis the Rev. Jackson and young up starts like a certain candidate for President that will not be mentioned on this blog for the foreseeable future.

Let me also remind you that his hustlin' and camera-whoring tendencies aside, the Rev. Sharpton is no wimp and he ain't stupid either and if he has to stomp each and every rap artist into the ground to get one more dollar or one more minute in the glare of the camera lights, he will do it. So while I question his motives, I don't question his dedication to achieving his goal of world domination. In other words Hip Hop Industrial Complex, if you wanna fight in the gutter, the Rev. Al is more than happy to hop down there with cha, or atleast send out his subordinates to do it for him.

Now those of you who think that David Banner could take Rev. Al in a cage match, let me remind you that there will only be hand to hand combat. Mr. Banner and his generation are used to weapons of the firearm variety whereas the Good Rev. is probably well trained in the art of fisticuffs. Not to mention the Good Rev. served hard time in federal prison. He didn't do the Jesse Jackson, released on your own recognizance kinda protest where you never make it past the booking Sergeant's desk. Rev. Al got a prisoner number and the uniform to match courtesy of the Bureau of Federal Prisons. So the Good Rev. has done more hard time than most of these Hip Hop "artists."

Y'all know there are about 25 Hip Hop" artists" in the studio right now cranking out dis tracks about the Good Rev. That is their M.O. Like I said. Rev. Al is no C. Delores Tucker. His counter offensive was stone cold folks, he struck straight to the heart of every homophobic Hip Hop artist r by basically saying that David Banner wanted to have sexual relations with the Good Rev. OUCH! Rev. Al is not playing with y'all. You better ask somebody! (BTW. What women are having fantasies about Rev. Al?? WTH? MIND BLEACH PLEASE! Kirsten John-Foy is on crack for providing us with that visual! )

Now I thought I was going to be selling tickets to see the "Showdown in Chi-Town " now that Rev. Sharpton has expanded the Sharpton Brand and set up shop in Rev. Jackson's backyard, but alas this may be even better.

So in a cage match between ANY Hip Hop "artist" and the Good Rev, I got $20 on Rev. Al.

We'll get back to gloom and doom and man's inhumanity to wo(man) later today, but man I needed this. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever laugh again for real. I am sure some of y'all were wondering too. But thanks to Rev. Al, I hope we all realize that babies are still being born, people are still kind and compassionate, folks are still falling in love, and the ocean still laps at the shore.

Speaking of the Rev. Al. D.L. Hughley finally was read a portion of the statement the Good Rev. issued to us about four months ago after Sharpton Watch.... DL. Was not amused. The reporter actually posed questions I raised directly to DL which was refreshing. You will note that DL could not recite the first five words of the First Amendment that he is so dedicated to protecting. That question came straight from moi. I challenged the reporter to ask him and he did. He called WAOD - one lady with an e-mail page. BWAH! My question is this, why couldn't sisters have gotten this kind of interview out of Essence Magazine?

Let me remind you that you can help the Dunbar Village victims by donating to their Victim's Assistance Fund. Read about the ease with which I was able to make my donation at a Wachovia branch in my town.

Checks can be made payable to the Dunbar Village Victim Assistance Fund-St. Ann. They can be dropped off at any Wachovia branch or mailed to: St. Ann Catholic Church, 310 N. Olive Ave., West Palm Beach, FL 33401. The church’s phone number is (561) 832-3757. (SOURCE)

WARNING: This post may be dripping with sarcasm. So let me save you the trouble of chastising me "boo birds". I don't care. Keep moving along, you will get no carrion here today.